holding

I told you

you hold my heart

but I think perhaps

this is not entirely true

you see, I have

the suspicion that

you may just

be my heart

for I have felt

your steady beat

and flushing warmth

deep within my chest

for just as long as

I can remember

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mosaic

you ask too much, they said

who could imagine such –

that one should deserve a life

so rare and stunning?

it’s impossible they cried

no one really gets that..

and we each took our dreams

like shards of glittering glass

like brightly colored bits of hope

like joy in the morning…

and tucked the pieces away

but not forgotten, not discarded

waiting to be discovered

by careful hands

with honest hearts

and here they are now

shining like jewel weed

in a green field

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2 am

waking from deep slumber

world heavy on my heart

and yet I feel an ember warm

and glowing in the dark

I didn’t know it lived there still

I did not know it lived

as though perhaps it’s spark

was doused, not able to be lit

as if that day I’d lost all hope

salt tears flooding my eyes

when standing there beneath the tree

I made such compromise

my world so surely rent apart

and then reformed anew

and I thought then, as I do now

of something quite like you

with heart outside my chest I stand

my sleeve a bloody mess

the beating drum of sudden starts

and sudden, lovely, rests

I do not know from whence this came

or where my feet will go

but in the warm and gathering dark

an ember burns and glows

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deeper still

I’d like to grasp the words

that form behind my eyes

and sink deeper still

to a place I cannot reach

somewhere in my chest

where it’s warm and safe

but words are a flighty thing

devices meant to explain

what cannot be contained

in a code of shapes and sounds

so I’ll sit in silence

letting them sink deeper still

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the way of this

all the small things

I fold them between my hands

pulling close to my chest

these hopes and fears

that sometimes you shelter

and sometimes you smash

and I wonder

do you even realize

the strength you wield?

the way they crack

the way they crumble

the way the fall away

the way my chest expands

and contracts with a hollow ache

when I let you hold

in your trembling hands

all the small things

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